Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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