One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The power of my boobs compel you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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