Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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