Sry I called you an 8
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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