I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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