You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
