i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
