Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
