yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
