Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
