May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
