wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
