I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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