currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
