The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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