seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
