there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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