I hate all girls vehemently.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
