It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
