I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
