apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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