I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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