My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
