dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
