Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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