too bad you live with your parents still
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
