I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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