if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
