Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
