it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
