how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My vagina just clenched in fear
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
