haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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