two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
