A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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