it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
