i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
