I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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