Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
