DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
