It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
