just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
