I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
