oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
