Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
