one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
