....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
