He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
