Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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