i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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