No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
